You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
