I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
