dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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