I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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