so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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