the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
