I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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