i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
