he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize