as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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