he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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