I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
