Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Boobs are out for the taking
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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