Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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