Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
