Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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