you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
