i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
even my farts smell like vagina
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
