I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We are all done wearing pants today
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
