I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
