that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
