I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
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He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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