Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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