my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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