I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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