Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
