Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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