she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We need to get me chipped asap
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
