okay pat passed out under dana's car
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
