I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
