3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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