I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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