My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
