she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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