Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
