between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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