dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
