actually, I'm a sock model
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Randomize
