Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
