new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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