good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
