You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
