i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize