If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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