We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
