Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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