you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
