somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
