she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
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The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
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Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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