watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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