She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
