Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
