i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
