i already hear my dad disowning me
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
