Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
