I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
