So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
