guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
