angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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