you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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