apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
