we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
