I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
