god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
