I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dicks are not precious.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
